đ Iâm a grad student doing my psychology practice at a non-profit organization called Dorado Dreams Village in Puerto Rico đľđˇ. There I give therapy to teenage boys who have been removed from their home đĄ.
đ¤śđ˝ I would love your help to make their Christmas a special one â¨. With your donation đľ of 1$, 2$, 3$ or any amount your heart âĽď¸ desires I can buy đ them gifts for Christmas. If enough is raised I will be able to throw them a small Christmas party đ as well.
This is the reason Japanese artists have such a bad impression of overseas fans.
Itâs not harmless – if you donât have permission, you donât post – itâs that simple. You know perfectly well a Japanese artist canât contact you and ask you to take it down, donât play stupid.
But I can. I will contact the artists whose work you have reposted and ask them to make a statement asking you to take it down.
This goes to everyone reposting art from sites like twitter – please stop. If you want to share it – post a link to the artistâs page.
Of course you shouldnât repost any art, but at least western artists can contact you on their own behalf – Japanese artists cannot.
Earlier today, I served as the âyoung womanâs voiceâ in a panel of local experts at a Girl Scouts speaking event. One question for the panel was something to the effect of, âShould parents read their daughterâs texts or monitor her online activity for bad language and inappropriate content?â
I was surprised when the first panelist answered the question as if it were about cyberbullying. The adult audience nodded sagely as she spoke about the importance of protecting children online.
I reached for the microphone next. I said, âAs far as reading your childâs texts or logging into their social media profiles, I would say 99.9% of the time, do not do that.â
Looks of total shock answered me. I actually saw heads jerk back in surprise. Even some of my fellow panelists blinked.
Everyone stared as I explained that going behind a childâs back in such a way severs the bond of trust with the parent. When I said, âThis is the most effective way to ensure that your child never tells you anything,â it was like Iâd delivered a revelation.
Itâs easy to talk about the disconnect between the old and the young, but I donât think Iâd ever been so slapped in the face by the reality of it. It was clear that for most of the parents I spoke to, the idea of such actions as a violation had never occurred to them at all.
It alarms me how quickly adults forget that children are people.
Apparently people are rediscovering this post somehow and I think thatâs pretty cool! Having experienced similar violations of trust in my youth, this is an important issue to me, so I want to add my personal story:
Around age 13, I tried to express to my mother that I thought I might have clinical depression, and she snapped at me ânot to joke about things like that.â I stopped telling my mother when I felt depressed.
Around age 15, I caught my mother reading my diary. She confessed that any time she saw me write in my diary, she would sneak into my room and read it, because I only wrote when I was upset. I stopped keeping a diary.
Around age 18, I had an emotional breakdown while on vacation because I didnât want to go to college. I ended up seeing a therapist for – surprise surprise – depression.
Around age 21, I spoke on this panel with my mother in the audience, and afterwards I mentioned the diary incident to her with respect to this particular Q&A. Her eyes welled up, and she said, âYou know I read those because I was worried you were depressed and going to hurt yourself, right?â
TL;DR: When you invade your childâs privacy, you communicate three things:
You do not respect their rights as an individual.
You do not trust them to navigate problems or seek help on their own.
You probably havenât been listening to them.
Information about almost every issue that you think you have to snoop for can probably be obtained by communicating with and listening to your child.
Part of me is really excited to see that the original post got 200 notes because holy crap 200 notes, and part of me is really saddened that something so negative has resonated with so many people.
I love this post.
Too many parents wonder why their kids arenât honest with them, and never realize their own non-receptive behavior and their failure to listen are the reasons why.
At one point or another, a child WILL keep a secret from you, but if itâs to a point where all their emotional feelings are being poured away from you as opposed to toward you, itâs probably because you havenât been emotionally trustworthy or open.Â
Adultism đŚ
not to mention, you then take away one of your childâs coping mechanisms. if your parents read your journal, youâre never writing in it again. if your parents monitor your conversations with friends, you wonât tell them when youâre depressed anymore. if you have a therapist that reports what you say to your parents, you wonât tell that therapist anything. now all those methods of venting, feeling better, self-soothing, sorting out your issues, and feeling safe are gone.
âi want informationâ is not synonymous with âi want my child to talk to me.â those are two separate goals, but i think parents conflate them â i want my child to talk to me, but since they wonât, iâm stealing information from them. no. you didnât ever want them to talk to you. you wanted information. if you wanted them to talk to you, if that was your entire end goal, you would have approached things completely differently. stealing information from a child ensures they will never talk to you again. but if all you want is information, then you can take it however you want and call it a parenting success.
if what you wanted was a child who talks to you, you would apply the same principles you do to literally any other human interaction in your life, and cultivate a relationship and trust.
I had to stifle my horror and revulsion at my last job, when a conversation about removing the door from a childâs bedroom came up, and I was only one not in favor of it.
May be worth noting I was the only millennial in a conversation that was otherwise full of baby boomers.
one of my biggest pet peeves is when people are like, âi donât care, my significant other can go through my phone. i have nothing to hide.âÂ
okay. first of all.
wanting a partner to respect your privacy doesnât necessarily go hand in hand with âhaving something to hide.â maybe youâd just prefer that they trust you without putting you under surveillance like a fucking prisoner?Â
second.
itâs not only your privacy. if youâre cool with that shit, i really hope youâre informing all your friends and family members who discuss their personal lives with you that they should be prepared for your shitty SO to read through all their messages to you, but iâm betting youâre not doing that.Â
maybe your bestie from high school doesnât want your boyfriend seeing her emotional messages about her recent breakup? maybe your sister doesnât want him reading her messages about struggles with her kids or her marriage? maybe your friend with mental health issues isnât counting on you sharing their struggles with anyone else?Â
maybe you should grow up and realize that if your partner loves and respects you, theyâll believe you have nothing to hide without checking for themself.Â
some of you in the comments are dense as hell. your trust issues brought on by past cheaters do not give you free reign to emotionally abuse your partner. sorry, work on yourself and then get into a relationship because if you feel the need to do this shit, youâre not ready.Â
I put on a moustache and pretended to be âAn Angry Man On The Internetâ giving all the stereotypical counter-arguments in the video.
The best part is the number of random men who donât watch the whole video, and comment almost word for word my angry man responses.
Come on dudes, if youâre gonna try and argue against me, at least make sure I havenât brought up and dealt with your exact complaint in the video itself lmao
Gay Hell 