thinking about how john mulaney and the mcelroys talk about their marriages as juxtaposed to most male comedians and just like…god the bar is so low but after so many years of hearing “ball and chain” jokes it is unbelievably refreshing to hear male comedians love the absolute shit out of their wives
Here’s a sampling of some of my favorite things that happen so that you may judge for yourself, and while they may be spoilers, you will likely still be just as “what” as you were already:
Man peppers sandwich profusely, then punches a frog. But Wait! The frog was not actually punched. By the power of the sun, you can punch THROUGH frogs.
Vampirism is real and it gives you laser eyes and Ice Man powers that said vampire uses once or twice and then never again. Because his newer power of stopping time is just that much cooler. He uses it to throw a fish at a teenager.
Man feeds salami to bullets and shoots himself many times.
Man with fishing pole causes man to pull own heart out and asks a bullet to put the heart back later.
Man throws balls at rat, rat shoots back with a tank turret with darts that melt flesh.
A Lego model of the US White House causes everyone in an orchard to get the bends and suffocate.
Woman causes spontaneous hair growth to get free food.
Part man, part dinosaur uses Jesus of Nazareth’s actual eye to help collect mummified limbs for the President of the US and also maybe win a national horse race.
Aforementioned man-dino doesn’t actually naturally have the dinosaur powers, they were given to him like an infection. His actual power is stopping time.
Sponges collide. It gets weird.
Artist uses invisible baby to win a game of Rock Paper Scissors with a child.
Same artist also kills someone by writing on that person’s hand to use a remote control, in which doing so causes the man to be flung out a window to his death.
That artist thinks he killed a god and is now cursed because of it.
Man flies airplane into volcano, launches vampire into space.
Space vampire has 35 other incarnations of himself on Mars.
Florida woman trips off seeing rainbows, thinks everyone is a snail, and thinks snails are lucky because of their ability to fuck.
Said woman fights through the 1974 Miami Dolphins to stuff herself into a pipe in order to smack someone.
She also gets set on fire by a man in a cow suit.
Man is incredulous on whether Disney is real because there’s no Mickey Mouse in the advertisement.
Nun shoots meat from an aerosol can to use as a disguise.
Man has incredible power of nothing but positive thinking and wins a lot of money because of it. (He deserved it, too)
No more will this acclimation of iniquity stand!! the shrinkiing of the steven universe boy had come too far for this fan to handle!!
SEASON 1: EPISODE 4: “THE GREMLIN BRIDE”
SEASON 5 EPISODE 7: “NO TIMES LIKE WAR CRIMES”
mathematically he is 4 times smaller.
as you can see he has become so little he could no longer hold his friend garnet in a fleshy hand! he looks just like an ordinary boy. yet another crime to put on my already EXTENSIVE RS callout googledoc. DM for link.
Please join me in a twitter campaign to alert rebecca sugar to the extent of her man shrinking crimes! use the hashtag #stretchtheboy to get the public motivated!
To all y’all saying it’s because it’s two different boarders did you not see Season 2 Episode 11 “Pearl Hates The Irish”, boarded exclusively by REBECCA SUGAR HERSELF
Here’s pearl in one scene:
Here she is 7 seconds later:
I can’t believe this just goes under peoples noses, its like they didn’t even watch the feature length Steven Universe Documentary by Lily Peet. The show is so incosnistent im slittlerally skakign ,,, wabth the fUKC
a man: men now have to think before they speak, they are afraid to be criticized or accused of something, can we believe that we have to live like this now?? uwu
all the women that had to grown up being super self-aware of what they wear, what they think, what they say, how they act, where they are, with whom, etc in every aspect of their life, all the time, in this sexist society (especially women of color, non-straight women and trans women): good. finally you all have to learn how to behave.
Gay Hell 