- so you know how everyone has a story
- you know
- like the story
- like if you’re at a party and someone turns to you and says, tell the story
- and you know exactly what they mean
- the story
- well
- i have a story
- and not unlike most good stories, it involves three key components:
- barack obama
- pre-2008 reebok sneakers
- and the absolute earth-shattering horror you can only feel after making the worst mistake of your life
- so here we go
- it all began eight years ago
- (i was a gangly child then)
- and barack obama came to town
- (when i was a young girl)
- (my father took me out into the city)
- (to see the president of the united states, obama)
- (barack obama)
- except it wasn’t the city but where my parents worked
- and my mother was hired to take pictures of obama shaking the hands of others
- (rich people)
- (ceo’s)
- (people who didn’t wear reeboks to meet the president)
- so i skipped school to see obama
- (naturally)
- (but my teacher was a republican so it still counted as an absence)
- and the adventure begun
- but as i soon learned
- most of the adventure was waiting in a large room with my mother and some secret service men for roughly eight hours
- because there is no timing with obama
- (barack obama)
- no one can know when obama is supposed to be there
- (barack obama)
- there is no, like, obama warning system
- (barack)
- it’s just that one second he’s not there
- and the next second
- he’s there
- (barack obama)
- so it was eight hours
- and i remember nothing from those eight hours except for when one of the secret service men tried to talk to me
- ‘how are your studies,’ he said
- how’s school, he probably meant
- but i didn’t understand at the time
- i was a gangly child
- i was scared
- he was tall
- (i cried)
- and then all of a sudden
- (about eight hours into the eight hours)
- he was there
- (barack obama)
- he was beauty
- he was grace
- he was
- (barack obama)
- he walked into the room
- he wasn’t wearing reeboks
- (i noticed)
- (i began to feel i’d made a mistake)
- my mother took pictures of him shaking the hands of others
- (rich people)
- (ceo’s)
- (none of whom were wearing reeboks)
- and at the very end
- obama began to leave
- (barack obama)
- i was happy enough to have graced his presence
- but my parents
- my parents were not happy
- they needed more
- ‘mr. obama,’ they called
- and they pointed to me
- ‘of course,’ obama said
- (barack obama)
- he’s so nice, i thought
- and then it hit me
- oh no, i thought
- oh yes, my parents thought at some point, probably
- i’m obama, obama thought, most likely
- i was going to meet obama
- up close and personal
- obama
- (barack obama)
- the rest was a blur
- and the next thing i knew i was there
- with obama
- (barack obama)
- his hand was shaking my hand
- his hand was on my hand
- (nothing had ever felt so right)
- ‘so what’s you’re name,’ he asked
- (with obama’s voice)
- (because he was obama)
- (barack obama)
- and i almost forgot but i told him
- and he said it correctly even though it’s weird
- (obama said my name)
- and we were off to a good start
- how was i to know
- how was i to know the horrors to come
- ‘so how old are you,’ he asked then
- and that’s when this dream became a nightmare
- ‘twelve,’ i said
- a seemingly innocent answer
- but here’s the thing
- i was
- thirteen.
- (thirteen)
- (13)
- (12+1)
- (16-3)
- (13.0)
- (Thirteen.)
- what have i done, i thought
- (panic! at the election)
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3LGopSVju4
- i still don’t know why i did it
- did i really forget?
- did i do it for the thrill of the chase?
- to see if i could?
- maybe
- but obama didn’t know
- i did it, i thought, i lied
- i lied to the president of the united states
- i pulled it off
- the greatest lie in history
- the greatest heist
- (i didn’t know what a heist was)
- (i was thirteen)
- ‘oh so you’re in 6th grade then,’ obama said
- shit.
- i was so close
- shit what do i say, i thought
- the journey is not over
- the nightmare rages on
- what do i say
- i open my mouth to say, yes
- ‘no,’ i say
- what the fuck, i think
- ‘no i’m in 7th grade”
- (because i was)
- maybe he won’t know, i thought
- but he did.
- (obama’s been around the block)
- (obama knows what’s up)
- ‘so you’re ahead of your class, then’ he said
- (i wasn’t)
- (i failed basic math at least twice by this time)
- ‘yes,’ i said, just wanting this nightmare to be over
- just wanting the lie to end
- for obama to call me out on my shit and arrest me
- to spend the rest of my youth locked away in prison where i couldn’t hurt anyone any more with my lies
- i waited
- i waited for arrest
- but arrest didn’t come
- and that was even worse.
- obama trusted me
- obama thought i was a good kid
- obama thought i was ahead of my class
- (ahead of my class)
- i let him down
- i let obama down
- (barack obama)
- i watched him leave
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYNH1baA_7k
- obama, i mouthed out after him
- obama i’m sorry
- (he trusted me)
- why did i do it, you ask
- i don’t know
- after all these years
- i still don’t know
- it still haunts me
- i still wake up at night, shaking, and i think
- i lied to the president of the united states
- (twice)
- the photographic evidence of my nightmare hangs in my father’s office
- i’m smiling through my pain
- i’m wearing reeboks
- obama is not
- (barack obama)
- i hope that someday, after obama’s retirement
- we can put this all behind us and start anew
- start fresh
- (no more lies)
- (no more deceit)
- but i’m not naive
- i know that we can never really go back
- back to the way things were
- five seconds after i met him but five seconds before i lied
- but i can dream
- i can hope
- obama
- obama i’m sorry
- (barack obama)
story time: presidential edition
Published
Gay Hell 