groundramon:

I can’t stop thinking about reliable internet safety tips for kids that aren’t “internet is evil!!11! online friends aren’t real!!11!” and here’s my hot take on internet safety as someone who’s been in this game for a while but is still vulnerable, but somehow has avoided anything bad happening so far:

1. NEVER agree to take pictures of yourself for someone after they ask.
I don’t care if you don’t recognize it as inappropriate.  Don’t do it.  The only exception is if you trust them enough to do a “finger test” – IE, you both prove that you’re real people by holding up a specific number of fingers near your face.  That’s not the only way you can prove it – if you take a picture of your face next to, say, a plushie you’ve shown them before, that’s also appropriate.  But if they ask you to do something weird, or include more of your body than just your hand and your face, ESPECIALLY IF THEY HAVEN’T DONE THEIRS YET (or they’re older than you and you know this), DON’T DO IT.  If they get hostile when you suggest an alternative, leave.  Another good alternative is to voice chat before you do any sort of face reveal; voice chats make it fairly easy to identify someone as real or fake, and there’s nothing really risky about voice chatting with someone who you already know is older than you.

2. Public chat threads and social media are your friend.
Discord is great. But it’s also easy to exploit someone in a website like Discord.  They can delete/edit evidence and I don’t believe that there’s any way to retrieve this information.  When first getting to know someone, using a public chatting form such as social media or forums is a great place to do so.  Not only will it likely give you something to talk about, as you’re probably commenting about a specific subject and then talking, but it also gives public record of what you talked about.  DeviantArt comments cannot be deleted even though they can be hidden from the public eye.  Tumblr posts cannot be deleted even though they can be hidden from the public eye.  Hell, DMs on tumblr can’t be deleted by the person sending them – once they send you something weird, it’s there for good and you have proof.

3. Good people 16+ aren’t weirdos to people under 15.  Good people 20+ aren’t weirdos to people 18 and under.  If they make advances on you or insist that you face reveal to them, run.
Source: I am a 17 year old and I have several friends who are older than me.  I never force younger friends to face reveal to me and really only a handful of people have face revealed to me (assuming they don’t post their image online publicly).  My older (20+) friends have mostly never even asked for a face reveal, and the one person who I was semi-discussing it with just wanted to see my plushie collection and I have too much shit to just send pictures, and he clarified that it was only if I wanted to/if I was comfortable.  If you’re uncomfortable with something, say something – older folks aren’t mind readers so if you aren’t blatant with your discomfort they may not pick up on it.  But if they’re a legitimate friend, they’ll apologize and move on, or if you really want to show them something like a plushie they’ll brainstorm ways that will be more comfortable for you.

4. If someone gives you icky feelings – run.
If it’s a stranger?  Block them or ignore them.  You owe them nothing.  If it’s someone you’ve formed an emotional connection with and you think they’d notice if you just stopped talking to them entirely, tell them straight-up what the problem is and why you’re leaving.  Perhaps you can try to fix it, but if they’ve said they’d change in the past and they don’t, leave.  You don’t owe them anything when they won’t do anything for you.  You could perhaps have a more distance relationship if it’s a drama thing and not a squeamish thing, but if someone gives you scary vibes you should trust your gut.  Also, if they’re older than you, you owe them exactly nothing and if they try to defend themselves just block them.  They have other friends – or if they don’t, there’s a reason for that, and you don’t deserve to be the one caring for them.

5. You deserve good things.  This includes good friends.
Depression, anxiety, self esteem issues – these are all bitch ass issues.  Please don’t force yourself into shitty relationships online to feel fulfilled.  When someone isn’t willing to put work into your relationship and you’re invested, you need to separate.  People will be willing to become your close friend – I promise.  The internet is so, so big – and there are so many good people on here!  You’ll find someone you’re compatible with.  It may take time, but you’ll find them.  Join websites or groups related to your interests with people who seem legit – and who knows, you may just make a new great friend!

6. You’re allowed to move on.  You’re also allowed to be mad at those who hurt you even if there is no bad guy or good guy in your drama.
You don’t have to stay friends with the same people forever.  But at the same time, it’s okay to be mad at those who left you.  You can understand some of their reasoning in hindsight and still be mad at them for abandoning you.  You’re allowed to be mad at the people who hurt you and betrayed you.  The difference between a pointless drama callout and valid feelings is how public you are about it – there’s no reason to namedrop unless you legitimately think this person is a danger to others (IE a pedophile, ect).

7. Be careful sharing information about your location, your appearance, ect, but like, it’s not that big of a deal.
Hundreds of kids are victims of sexual abuse via the internet every year, but hundreds of thousands of kids are safely posting on the internet with maybe a creep here and there to block and that’s all.  Pedophiles will move on to easier targets if you prove yourself to be smart – sad, but true.  Also, please do not ever try to bait these pedophiles into giving you information about their life so you can call the police on them; report any inappropriate messages to the website they contacted you on and block them.  You have a good heart but they’re still running and ruining your life if your goal is to bait them.  Location is only relevant if they can pin down your schedule and abduct you, which requires you to be alone and for there to be no witnesses around.  And that’s like, exact city, not landmarks in your county or your state or whatever.  Do with this information what you will.  But just don’t post anything you’re uncomfortable with.  Use your own judgement!

8. Never feel rushed to share any information about yourself.
Obviously if someone wants to befriend you, they may want to know a little bit about your interests and personality.  But any information beyond that is for you to disclose at your leisure.  Maybe you send selfies to a lot of people, so you face reveal to them pretty quickly.  Even though your face, your voice, and your location aren’t THAT dangerous to disclose on the internet anymore compared to anything else, they are YOURS.  They are YOURS to choose when to share with others.  And it’s not a matter of trust – it’s a matter of you choosing the time you want to reveal that information.  Unless you’re dealing with (mail) shipping, or you like talking about makeup, or you just like chatting over voice, you have no real reason to share that information.  It took me 5+ years to actually face reveal to my oldest online friends.  I trust them like the devil – hell, we’d even talked about possibly someday meeting or even living together because we were just that close – but my physical appearance was never important to me.  I’m trans so my irl name is my deadname and all of them are younger than me so they have no reason to ship anything to my address.  When I first met them, I felt isolated and disliked for my appearance, so I didn’t WANT to face reveal to them – and by the time I recovered from that, I just didn’t care what I looked like anymore.  I still don’t.  So I choose to keep it to myself unless DM’d by someone I trust.  Now my closest friends and I have exchanged face reveals, but that didn’t change how we viewed each other, except maybe how we’d see them in our dreams.  We always trusted each other.  Anyone who tells you that you shouldn’t be afraid to share something with them over the internet, or else you aren’t “really friends”, is a liar.  My closest friends were my closest friends.  We hardly knew anything about our irl appearances, but we knew so much about our personalities and interests and values and history that we didn’t need that.

9. I trust you.
Internet safety tips who insist you don’t know what you’re doing are stupid.  You know why?  Because I don’t know what I’m doing either, and neither does anyone else.  You learn from experience and this is the only way you could be “stupid” compared to older internet users.  Anyone who thinks otherwise has a self-important stick up their ass.  Unfortunately, bad people do exist on the internet, but you can safely manage your own relationships and make your own decisions by simply trusting your gut and not sending any weird pictures and not trusting any weird messages.  This is for you to navigate on your own, because I know how sick you are of hearing “the internet is evil!!” because I am too.  I don’t know everything and neither does anyone else, including you.  Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself if you feel like something’s off.  Just…stand up for yourself, look out for your own neck, that’s all I ask.  That’ll save you more than any other internet advice that anyone can give you.  I think.